LifesAnswers: December 2009

SOMETHING TIHINK ABOUT ?

The best way to lose a friend is to tell him something for his own good. Be generous with praise but cautious with criticism.

Criticism is the disapproval of people, not for having faults, but from having faults different from your own.

Let the man who says it cannot be done not disturb the man doing it.

When you throw dirt at people you’re not doing a thing but losing ground.

People do not mind criticism as long as it is about someone else.

It is only imperfection that complains of what is imperfect. It is surely better to pardon too much than to condemn too much

Constructive criticize is when I criticize you. Destructive criticize is when you criticize me.

If you are a Christian, you can expect folks to criticize, but you ought to live so nobody will believe them.

Talking about Modern Life

Modern Life

Signs of a modern life.....

1. You accidentally enter your password on the microwave.

2. You haven't played solitaire with real cards in years.

3. You have a list of 15 phone numbers to reach your family of 3.

4. You e-mail your mate who works at the desk next to you.

5. Your reason for not staying in touch with friends is that they do not have e-mail addresses.

6. When you go home after a long day at work you still answer the phone in a business manner.

7. When you make phone calls from home, you accidentally dial "0" to get an outside line.

8. You've sat at the same desk for four years and worked for three different companies.

10. You learn about your redundancy on the 11 o'clock news.

11. Your boss doesn't have the ability to do your job.

12. Contractors outnumber permanent staff and are more likely to get long-service awards. >

and the real clinchers are.....

13. You read this entire list, and kept nodding and smiling.

14. As you read this list, you think about forwarding it to your "friends".

15. You first received this in an e-mail from a friend that never talks to you any more, except to send you jokes from the net.

16. You are too busy to notice there was no No. 9.

Talking about An English professor wrote the words:

"A woman without her man is nothing"
on the chalkboard and asked his students to punctuate it correctly.

All of the males in the class wrote:
"A woman, without her man, is nothing."

All the females in the class wrote:
"A woman: without her, man is nothing."

What, Where, Why, How ,If ?

Why do croutons come in airtight packages? Aren't they just stale bread to begin with?

Why Don't Blind People Like To Sky Dive? Because It Scares The Dog.

What Kind Of Coffee Was Served On The Titanic? Sanka.

Why Do Gorillas Have Big Nostrils? Because They Have Big Fingers

Where Do You Find a Dog With No Legs? Right Where You Left Him.

What Lies At The Bottom Of The Ocean And Twitches? A Nervous Wreck.

What Do You Get When You Cross a Snowman With a Vampire? Frostbite.

What Do You Get From a Pampered Cow? Spoiled Milk.

What hair color do they put on the driver's licenses of bald men?

Why is a person who plays the piano called a pianist, but a person who drives a racecar Is not called a racist?

What Do You Call Four Bullfighters In Quicksand? Quattro Sinko

What Do You Call a Boomerang That Doesn't work? A Stick

What Do You Call Cheese That Isn't Yours? Nacho Cheese.

What Do Eskimos Get From Sitting On The Ice too Long? Polaroid's

What Do Fish Say When They Hit a Concrete Wall? Dam!

How Do You Get Holy Water? You Boil The Hell Out Of It

How Do Crazy People Go Through The forest ? They Take The Psycho Path

How Do You Catch a Tame Rabbit? Tame Way

How Do You Catch a Unique Rabbit? Unique Up On It.

If it's true that we are here to help others, Then what exactly are the others here for?

If a pig loses its voice, is it disgruntled?

If people from Poland are called Poles, Then why aren't people from Holland called Holes?

If you look like your passport picture ..... you probably need the trip

Dictionary : Definition

WRINKLES: Something other people have, similar to my character lines.

YAWN: An honest opinion openly expressed

TOMORROW: One of the greatest labor saving devices of today.

TOOTHACHE: The pain that drives you to extraction.

SKELETON: A bunch of bones with the person scraped off.

SECRET: Something you tell to one person at a time.

RAISIN: Grape with a sunburn.

MOSQUITO: An insect that makes you like flies better.

INFLATION: Cutting money in half without damaging the paper.

HANDKERCHIEF: Cold Storage.

EGOTIST: Someone who is usually me-deep in conversation.

DUST: Mud with the juice squeezed out.

COMMITTEE: A body that keeps minutes and wastes hours.

CHICKENS: The only animals you eat before they are born and after they are dead.

CANNIBAL: Someone who is fed up with people.

BEAUTY PARLOR: A place where women curl up and dye.

ADULT: A person who has stopped growing at both ends and is now growing in the middle.

Resume

Resume

My Resume After many years of trying to find steady work, I finally got a job as a Historian - until I realized there was no future in it.

My Resume . I managed to get a good job working for a Pool Maintenance Company, but the work was just too draining.

My Resume I became a Professional Fisherman, but discovered that I couldn't live on my net income. 11

My Resume I studied a long time to become a Doctor, but I didn't have any patience

My Resume My best job was a Musician, but eventually I found I wasn't noteworthy.

My Resume Then I worked in the woods as a Lumberjack, but I just couldn't hack it, so they gave me the axe

My Resume My first job was working in an Orange Juice factory, but I got canned. I couldn't concentrate

Just what ?

Experience is a wonderful thing. It enables you to recognize a mistake when you make it again.

Middle age is when broadness of the mind and narrowness of the waist change places.

Men are from earth. Women are from earth. Deal with it

Bills travel through the mail... at twice the speed of checks

Just going to church doesn't make you a Christian. Not any more than standing in a garage makes you a car

I love cooking with wine. Sometimes I even put some in the food

Remember... Once you get over the hill, you'll begin to pick up speed

Police recruit was asked during the final exam What would you do if you had to arrest your own mother? He answered immediately Call for back-up

As income tax time approaches, did you ever notice: When you put the two words "The" and "IRS" together, it spells "THEIRS"?

Is it true that you never really learn to Swear until you learn to drive?

I thought about how mothers feed their babies with Tiny little spoons and forks, so I wondered what do Chinese mothers use. Tooth picks ?

Do Lipton Tea employees take "coffee breaks?"